Wisdom comes at a price

There couldn't be a more proud moment as a mom than witnessing my 20 year old daughter boldly take a stand against a potential sexual predator! We spent much of the day yesterday at the Olathe City Police department where my beautiful daughter and her roommate Emily reported an acquaintance who had truly "crossed the line." Since there are three separate individuals living in their town home, it comes at no surprise that they each have a branch of their own friends. Their roommate situation began with Nick as the lease holder and the girls did not feel led to speak up about Nicks friend, Caelin (a 19 yr old guy). Alex had expressed her frustration to me about Caelin's presence but mostly because he didn't pay rent, and would spend 3 days and nights at their home. I kept all my opinions to myself since Alex had just recently moved out and have realized she needs to find her own footing in this Big Cruel world. My only question I asked was if she had a lock on her door. She simply replied no, and while I encouraged her to get one, I left the topic alone. Alex called me Tuesday night asking for a potato casserole recipe. I should have found that question VERY odd, as Alex is a good cook and knows how to cook most things. Her shaken voice was obvious at the time, but I didn't press her once it became clear she couldn't talk at the time. As her mom, I've been trying very hard to mind my own business and let Alex find her way as well as I trust Alex has a pretty good head on her shoulders. My reply was to call me when she could talk, and I trusted her to do just that. Now that I know what I know, it was probably best the occurrence unfolded just the way it did, as you may be reading this post years from now after I am released from jail, maybe more. While I may chuckle when I say "I am thankful for my relationship with God, it saved a guys life yesterday", there is a bit of truth in my emotion to this statement. Those who know me best will understand my platform as a child safety advocate especially with the assaults that occurred during my childhood. I have ZERO tolerance for any type of sexual predator. Even as I type, I feel the blood boil within me for the many crimes that are committed to children around this world, as well as young women who are so very vulnerable and trusting. Nineteen year old Caelin is nothing but a punk who freeloads off friends and does not have a car or a job which is why he spends days at a time at the home which his best friend Nick, Alex and Emily live. On Tuesday, he was left alone in their home to ponder over his perverted thoughts of how to capture my daughter Alex on video. He meticulously cleaned their apartment along with Nicks bedroom as well as Emily's bedroom. (The first sign this lazy guy was up to no good) Alex was the first to arrive home and immediately noticed the house carried a "clean" scent. Caelin was excited to tell Alex all he had done when he inquired if she would be going upstairs to see how he had cleaned Nick's room. (who else finds this bizarre that a punk teen would clean another guys room?) While Alex has been living there for just a few short weeks, she did not deem any reason to distrust Caelin and missed the warning signs when Caelin exclaimed he was going to use the upstairs bathroom. (there is a bathroom on the main floor) Caelin wasn't gone long and Alex went on about her business. I can't help but chuckle as Alex tells me about how her OCD kicked in when she struggled to simply flush the toilet because things had been moved around on the back of the toilet. As she moved the tissue box, she was taken back that a cell phone sat propped against the wall on top of tissue paper that had been wedged between the top of the toilet cover and the wall that held the cell phone securely in it's position. She picked up the phone, turned it around, and realized the "record" button was activated and recording her. She was shocked, scared, and very confused as what to do. She immediately "deleted" the video, and called her room mates. Needless to say, the call I had received was soon after this happened and my daughter's shaken voice was the fear she was feeling since she was alone with this guy. (A sign I'LL never miss again) Alex did everything right according to the situation she was in as she tried to find a way to get out of it as safe as possible. She gathered her things, along with his phone, and left as soon as she could. Once she found safety with her room mate, they went through his phone discovering hundreds of photo's he had taken of women's personal area's. It was clear this guy had a serious issue and an issue our family is far too aware of. Enter the story of..... My best friend who has been married to a voyeur for 14 years too long. I remember vividly the day she called me and shared how she would "catch" her husband watching her in ways she wasn't comfortable. At first, I thought she was just being silly since she was his wife. However, even when she told him to stop....it didn't stop. After years of hearing of his perversions, I expressed the importance of her getting counsel or kicking him out before he acted out on her soon to be teenage daughter. She never went, she never left him, she only grew in her anger and hate towards him. Then the day came where she showed up unannounced of those very fears I had which had come true. Her husband lied of course, stating he was simply looking for a nail on the floor, not peeking under the bathroom door. Sure, she kicked him out, filed a police report, and sought counsel immediately. I offered to take her to the divorce court and get him out of her life for good. But, as unfortunate fate would have it, the police didn't even follow up on the report, and as many abused women will do, she moved him back in. The saga continues and this last spring he confessed to taking photo's of her and her now 16 year old daughter when they were unaware. Again, she kicked him out...again, I supported her and encouraged her as best I knew how without verbally slamming her husband and playing a role in her going back to him. This time he would only spend two months out of their house and she moved him back in but didn't tell me. I was beyond mad, and ended our 17 year friendship. Thankfully, I had been honest with all three of my girls about this voyeurism and what my friends husband had done to their daughter, their whole family and my girls have seen the hurt and pain this has caused my friends daughter. When I ended the friendship, I explained to my very surprised daughter's that I would no longer support or play a role to enable my friend who is enabling her husband. I was angry with her, and angry at what she has enabled to happen to her own daughter. My friend is oblivious....she believes it to be her duty to stay with her husband even though she hates him for what he has done. So imagine the sensitivity my daughter felt when she became the victim of such perverted voyeurism. She knows all to well how difficult it has been with my friends daughter who is friends with my girls. Therefore, I was very proud of my daughter for taking a stand that she can take by filing a police report on this young man for his perverted act. It's doubtful he'll suffer any serious legal consequences, but it does not denote the stand that she took and I am so very proud. May we NEVER minimize the acts that we as a society may deem trivial. I've heard it ALL because of my friends life and the life she continues to live in. Such as her husband hasn't actually "touched" her daughter. (not spoken by my friend, but by church going peers, 12 step programs, professional counselors, and even the police when they never followed up on my friends initial report. I say they are ignorant to the emotional effects this has had on SO many peoples lives) When situations such as this start with a young man who is 19, and we don't take action because it seems like a silly boy..and "boys will be boys", what happens when he gets away with it? Does he move on and act out even greater as he is empowered by the lack of legalities we have in place to protect innocent victims. Doesn't anyone ever wonder where it all began? could it have been prevented? It is NOT okay for any man to take photo's of women and there personal area's, or to video tape them in area's women expect privacy. My daughter may not have been physically touched in a perverted way, but the emotions she feels is the same as someone who has been. She feels fear, insecurity, and very violated of her personal space. I am so proud of Alexandra, for bridging a gap against voyeurs who justify their actions and compare themselves to others who are bigger perverts than they believe themselves to be. I thank God for her physical safety, and I know God will bless her for her bravery.