A little girls hair

We've made it through six weeks of Foster Parent classes and the class has been extremely informative as well as reflective in more ways than what I was prepared to learn.

We've learned about our role as FP's is to reconnect children with their parents.  The task seems large as we learn about the process in which children go through when they are being placed in foster care.  Something I am familiar with, yet not what I've wanted to relive.  

I'm unsure of my role in processing familiar emotions tied to the pain these children go through, therefore, I come to my favorite place to share such feelings, memories, and document what this process is like for me.
For example: the latest story was on a little girl who had long hair that one foster mom combed frequently, and when she was adopted by another foster family, they cut all of her hair off leaving the little girl to feel as though she was ugly.

I don't correlate that exact emotion, but it sparked a memory of when I was little and after my mom had  passed away, one of the women my dad was seeing took me in to have all of my hair cut off.  I had forgotten all about it as I don't recognize it as devastating, however, the memory rings strong in my mind the fact of this matter. 

Heavy Heart with Hope

     My day began like every normal Friday morning at House of Hope.  It was a typical restless night as each night is when I stay with the girls, which is every Thursday night.  Since it was around 4 am, I knew the girls would be sound asleep and I decided to take a quick shower before beginning my early morning work load that I find myself doing each Friday morning.  Once dressed, I pressed the "Start" button on the coffee and went into the staff office to begin paper work.

     My heart was heavy and I didn't understand why, but my emotions seemed similar to times when I encountered PMS.  However, I hadn't encountered any such emotional mood swing since my hysterectomy in December of 2010.  I couldn't shake it, the knot in my stomach was about to push tears up through my eyes and I was not prepared to have an early morning bawling session.  Instead, I decided my emotion must be coming from a minor frustration I felt towards the Director of House of Hope and I began typing her an email in regard to "Time" and her disrespect of my time.  Many times I wiped tears from my ears as the thoughts swarmed through my mind how ridiculous I was for being so emotional over something so small.  I mean it isn't as if Ms. Marilyn was any different than she had been for the past year so why was I so overwhelmed with emotion?   I for one am usually very 'in tune' with my emotions and why I feel certain ways.  Today was unlike any other day however, I simply could not put my finger on the reason for my burdened heart.

     The rest of the mornings routine was similar to every Friday morning.  The girls got ready for their day as any other day, but instead of doing our devo's in the living room, I chose to have the girls read 'out loud' while I prepared them breakfast in the kitchen.  Then, in normal routine of HOH, the girls quote 1 Corinthians 13 and we normally carry on about the morning with breakfast chores, and individual chat time I make for each girl.  But this particular morning I quietly told the girls my heart felt heavy and asked them to bow as I prayed for the day, for each of the girls.  My heart remained somber as we sat quietly eating breakfast.  Each of the girls look to me for fun table talk, but this morning was not the typical morning.  This morning I was holding back tears, and while I'm sure the girls could tell of my  nature, none of them questioned me, but ate in silence.

     It wasn't until much later in the morning and after I arrived home from my long night at HOH before I heard the startling news of Newton, Connecticut.  While I personally was sad for all that these families would be facing, my heart remained heavy in ways I still could not identify.  

     Through out the evening, and even after my husband inquired, I was not in the mood to talk much.  

On my way to the salon the next morning, I took my 'time' as I drove in even though I was running behind.  People sped by me as though they had somewhere special to be and all in an obvious hurry.

     It was in that moment I realized why my heart was so heavy the day before.  Without sounding or feeling arrogant to my emotions, I knew without a doubt my heart was in tune with the Holy Spirit.  The sorrow was not mine, it was God's and that minuscule amount of sorrow I felt Friday was obviously small in comparison to  God our Father, who gave His own son that we may have life.  

     My heart is left humbled by this connection, and yet I believe maybe I should have intervened in prayer for what was about to unfold had I understood why my heart was in the condition it was Friday morning.

For now, I pray for the families and the sin that occurred effecting so many onlookers as well.  We have  no control over other's and their actions from their sin....but we do have an opportunity to surrender our lives to Christ because none of us know when our time is up.

Twenty eight lives were snuffed out in one instant on Friday the 14, 2012....So many more will be impacted in ways the enemy desires...which is his purpose, his only purpose.  For me, I cling closer to my Father in Heaven...the ONE and only safety I have in this cruel world.  I pray other's too will surrender to Christ, our free will for His wonderful plan... A plan of Hope, and prosperity, not with things one can see, but with what is unseen.

20 little six and seven years old are now Angels in heaven

Nora Lee Wright

I began this post some time ago, but have struggled to put it together.  Being a mother is such a beautiful thing and delivering a baby is a wonderful gift God has blessed women with.  There is  no greater joy than giving birth to a baby and I'm so thankful I was able to witness that very joy when my first born gave birth to her first born.  

I'll never forget how much excitement flowed through me with thoughts of my first grandchild being born on my birthday...the 19th of May.  Heck, Amanda was due on the 22nd so why not hope to share my birthday with Nora?  After all, I really don't want to celebrate another birthday anyway and it would be a great distraction to always plan a party for my grand child.  

Amanda tried her best to go into labor on my birthday.  She came over to our house and cleaned like crazy with her sister Alicia.  But, it wasn't to be...Nora deserved her own special day, and on the early early morning of May 20th (3am to be exact), Alex came knocking on our door.  Amanda had apparently tried calling to tell me she thought she was in labor, but I didn't hear my phone.  Heck, excitement oozed from my pores once I knew Amanda was in labor.

We arrived at the hospital around 6 am to Amanda hooked up to the monitors and I could see immediately the pain Amanda was in.  It was the most difficult thing to see her in that much pain.  Funny thing is when I think back to Amanda saying she wanted a natural delivery.  I'll never forget when Amanda told me this because I felt a sense of jealousy that she could have an epidural when I never experienced one.  I thought for sure she was silly to try and have a natural birth.  Then, I realized how silly I was to even think she couldn't get through a natural delivery.

But, I was witnessing all the pain Amanda was in, I was not surprised when she asked for the epidural.  (Smart girl I thought)

Oh how funny Amanda was once she got that epidural, and I was jealous all over....lol...sheesh, if only I could have had an epidural, I probably would have had a dozen kids...or maybe have given the 19 kids and counting mom, a run for her money..hehe.

At 5:53 pm, Nora Lee Wright was born into this world, and the room was filled with enormous joy.  She was perfect!  And, beautiful!!

These past few months have flown by, and Nora is now nearly 4 months old.  She is just the most beautiful little baby and when I look at her, I see her mommy all over.

 

Here she is!!

Nora Lee

Three months old and oh so beautiful

My baby is all grown up

A new dawn unfolds as we took our baby girl to college today.  The last of our beautiful daughter's to move out and move on in their lives.

Alicia packs the last of her things for college.

Of course I am thrilled and super supportive of Alicia going away to college to discover her life dreams and witness her reaching life goals she's set for herself.  Yet, it came with a few tears that never fully formed, they just filled my eyes.  "She's my baby, my precious little girl who has been sheltered from most of life's yuck."  

Alicia was a great sport as we helped her unpack her belongings.  She didn't mind that I hung her bath towels neatly in her closet, and I didn't mind when she simply took them back down.  She's all grown up, a young woman, a beautiful high spirited soul ready to soar in her world.  I just stared at her, wanting to memorize everything about her beautiful self.  Her room warming smile, her pretty brown hair flowing over her shoulders.  The red high school sweatshirt she wore to stay warm proved evidence she was not too proud and still had some high school humility.  Her short shorts....oh yes, she could have left those behind, but she really does have the most beautiful legs...and I'd much rather her keep them covered than to show them off to any wandering eyed boy.  I hate to let her go....I hate to see her change....I hate the thought that something may happen to her....but I trust we've prepared her to stand proud and stand firm in a good up bringing.

Alex, Alicia, and Anna

came to help get Alicia settled in

This is it....the first time Michael and I have ever been alone....just the two of us.  Not even when we first got married as Amanda was 2 years old when that happened.  I think we're ready, I think we'll be okay, and I hope to stay focused on all the good things, but I won't stop praying.

April Showers Bring May Flowers

These past few months have been busy times as the newest addition to our family arrived leaving us all so busy.

GIRLS R Us!!  Here we are to prove it.  Preparing for the baby shower is like shopping for Christmas but maybe I went a wee bit over board.

Nursery theme is in Elephants.

Just a few of the gifts I passed by while shopping for 

this baby shower.

I even knitted a baby blanket

All the shopping for gifts and opening gifts is fun and all, but in reality, all we are wanting is the baby to hold and love.  I remember how time dragged on during the last month of Amanda's pregnancy.  

Heck, I wasn't the one who was pregnant but the anticipation was time stopping in my opinion.  So, I started on a nursery in my house.  Something to consume more of my time, which is why I have struggled to post anything on my blog.

I love keeping a blog so I can reflect on the events that happened during the year, and this one was the highlight to our year.

Journal entry from 2011...remembering my time in Kelly Flats

.....Each year I've made it a goal to memorize the drive up the Mountain that leads to Kelly Flats Campground.  Including every rugged rock, every winding road and the beautiful Poudre River that escorts us up the mountain and the sound of it's raging purr that greets my ears alerting me "we've arrived."
This year however I managed to gain a terrible and very painful bladder infection as I chose to pass by every rest area as I eagerly longed to be in these mountains and as soon as possible.  Not a good choice as each bounce in the road causes agonizing pain within my bladder.  Thankfully I brought antibiotics with me in the event something should occur with one of my girls.  Who would have thought I'd be the one in need of these emergency held capsules?  A moment of distraction as we traveled up the mountain and stopped at every out house we could find along highway 14.
The first morning is always my favorite as I exit our little pop up camper and bask in Gods Glorious beauty held within the walls of the mountains.  "I'm HOME" is the one thought that rushes through my mind as I look up each tree, listen for any wildlife.  "This is where I belong"
Once a year visit is just not enough for me anymore, and while my mind thinks more of the luxuries you find in a condo, the work and effort it takes to pack up our camper, along with preparing a menu for 12, buying food for a week and it's expense, unpacking the camper, setting up camp, the work is soooo worth waking up to this gorgeous place.  All to have yet another moment in Poudre Canyon, nestled in Kelly Flats campground.


I love nature, and I am in awe and very much in love with these Mountains.  You can bet I will always be the first one up in the morning, sitting in a chair, breathing in the aroma of the pine trees and calling out praises to God for creating such a beautiful and peaceful place.

Day 2
This morning has been the most unusual morning with clouded overcast and the temperature is rather mild.  Normally, I start morning coffee and build a fire while I bask in all of Gods glorious beauty within these mountains.  It's quite dark still with just a wee bit of light casting silhouettes of pine trees all around.  Alicia has joined me this morning to embrace the beauty of the mountain sun that is about to top over the ridge of the eastern mountainside.  My hope is the clouds will part so she can witness God reflecting His light  as He shows off His wondrous creation.  I fell as though I am on the grandest of dates with God.  While man may want to show off his car, house or whatever may be his beloved treasure, God too is revealing a portion of his beloved treasure...these great and marvelous mountains.

To think that these mountains could sit here all by themselves and I'd still be in awe, yet as the raging Poudre river rushes down the mountain, it's voice bounces off the rocks that hold it in it's place.




"Oh Lord, how beautiful You are in my heart, in my mind, in all that I see around me...You alone have created all things, the grandest of all technology which no man can take credit for.  YOU, Oh Lord, have made everything so wonderful.  No camera can capture the beauty of all you've made.  When I'm here in these Mountains I hear your voice, I feel your presence...Not with specific audible words, but I feel your presence.  Here I am, Fill me Lord with your love, with your Holy Spirit....I am yours."


How interesting to stare at our campfire and it's bold yet contained fury.  While it provides warmth, it's flames climb high trying to get out, longing to reach and spread it's sharp arms.  It's popping sound snaps me out of my comfort as the wood screams out in pain while being devoured by the flames.  While the flames may devour all in it's path, it cannot devour the earth.  The earth is the foundation for all to live, to grow,, to flourish.  What a picture that is painted here for me..............


I never realized the power of those words would actually be a reality in Roosevelt Forest one year later.  This journal entry was originally written in my quiet time book Beth Moore wrote on "Breaking Free"....

Photo's of Kelly Flats and Memories behind our camping there

A wildfire is currently devouring Poudre Canyon along with Roosevelt National Forest.
This Canyon has held generations of memories for Michael's family and it began with his grandparents who started this family tradition.
Ironically and heartbreakingly, both Michael's grandparents have passed away. His grandfather, who passed away on my birthday last month, was a retired firefighter in Brush, Colorado.  While he taught us all about the joys of camping and shared many stories of the years they spent in Poudre Canyon, I can't but thank God he passed on before knowing of this fire that is about to consume their longtime family getaway place.

Each morning during our camping trips, I spend praising God for the wonders and beauties of the Mountains.  Last year, I took time to journal and intended to post that journal exert on my blog.  Of course, time and distractions prevented that from happening.  Before I post what I wrote, I want to remember some of the wonderful moments we've had in these Mountains.

Entrance to Kelly Flats Campground

The Poudre river surrounded by Gods greenery

Alexandra, Amanda, and Alicia at Kelly Flats

I took senior pictures of Alex in these Mountains

Our girls bring friends each year to these Mountains

I bask in the beauty each year of the Mountains

We bought all this camping gear specifically for 

our trips to these Mountains.

We all made new friends here in these Mountains

Michael baptized Alex at Kelly Flats within

these Mountains

The memories are endless.....