Tristan

Tristan opens a couple gifts we took him during our visit to the hospital.

Tristan is my best friends son who will be turning 14 in February.  He is a special little guy as he was born with Cerebral Palsy and struggles with full function of his left hand and his legs.  While he cannot talk with words one may comprehend, he can sign a few needs he may have with sign language.  Tristan speaks volumes with his laugh, his amazing smile and he is just a wonderful ray of sunshine who will brighten your day with one wave of his right hand as he holds it up in a crooked tilt and a little shake up and down.  Put on some music and Tristan will break out in an adorable little shake as his smile spreads from ear to ear.  Oh how he loves music, and I love his wiggle, his giggle and the expression he makes when you play music.


Michelle is my best friend and while we don't see eye to eye on many things, she is an amazing mom to Tristan.  I admire her for her poise, her patience and her deep love she has for her son.

Michelle helps Tristan open his gifts.

During these past four months, Tristan has spent most of his time in Children's Mercy Hospital.  First was to fight Ecoli, a horrible infection that was causing his Kidney's to shut down.  The hospital did dialysis to flush out the infection on his Kidney's and allow them to heal until they could function properly again.  After three weeks in the hospital, they sent him home and all began returning to normal...for a few weeks, until he stopped having bowel movements and they were back in the hospital.  The struggle to keep his bowels working on their own has been ongoing ever since.


Michelle took him home on Sunday after spending nearly another three weeks in the hospital with Tristan, and as of last night is back in the hospital.  


In all his 14 years, Tristan has had many special procedures that would help the mobility of his hands, his feet, his legs, and even help prevent seizures, which leaves an outline of the needs Tristan has had to help him live the best life he can live.  However, he has not suffered any complications from any of these procedures and he lives a great life all things considered.  So, with all the complications that have occurred within these past four months, I can't help being concerned with Tristan's health.  My concern isn't something I share with Michelle as I sense she shares the same unspoken concern.


I love Tristan, I love his mamma and I pray his health recovers to it's full capacity so he can live a long happy life.    

Volunteering is the greatest job on earth

Less than two months ago I stopped procrastinating the creation of a resume' I had never done in all 42 years of my life.  Heck, I've been a hairdresser since I was 25 years old and how do you document that on paper?  This wasn't a resume' for hair or that would be easy to make up a portfolio of my work.  And while I have loved my career and all the blessings that come along with it when you have three daughter's, I honestly felt I had very little skills other than successfully raising three daughter's.  Heck, I knew parenting alone was the most difficult job on the face of this earth,(I was still feeling the exhaustion of this truth)but surely wasn't going to document all of those trials and tribulations.


Thankfully, I have a wonderful client (Larry Stone) who has been getting his hair done by me for the past twelve years.  He knows the director of House of Hope and had put in a good word for me prior to my resume' as well as gave me pointers on what to document on paper such as all the bible studies I have been a part of, and any Christian video conferences I have taken.  This alone began a history of courses that I have sincerely given my heart to.  Personally, I would never have considered these classes/ conferences resume' worthy until he put that 'bug' in my ear.  


After spending a good solid day typing and retyping all that I could remember participating in, I felt good about what I would submit to House of Hope (a non denominational Christian home for troubled teenage girls).


Now that I have been working with the staff and the girls in this home for nearly two months, I have found a fresh breath of air to breath in as a Volunteer worker.  Oh my goodness what a blessing it is to be needed, to be wanted by all involved in this foundation.  Volunteering is the best job around.  There is not a demand of hours set in front of me, and there is a huge amount of respect for the fact I have a husband, I have a family and yet I am willing to give of my time and work with this home as a whole.  Heck, it makes it so easy to give of myself with the home being just a mile down the road from my home.


Oh, there have been a couple days I felt frustrated with the girls as if they were my own teenage daughter's.  All I needed was a bit of one on one time with Jesus in prayer and the Holy Spirit spoke volumes to me when I grumbled about the ungrateful girls.  The whisper I heard from above was "I too volunteered my life, and sacrificed my life for all."  Wow, thank you Lord for those most inspiring words upon my heart.  I love volunteering, and love my family for sacrificing their mom/wife by allowing me to give their time to the House of Hope as well.


May my heart remain humbled as I rejoice in this wonderful position I have been called to serve in.  Without God, I am nothing and I sure wouldn't have the heart to do what I am doing.  This really is the greatest job on earth.

Foster Parents/ To be, or not to be?

Our first meeting with DCCCA (which acts as a Child Placing Agency, Family Preservation, Drug and Alcohol Treatment programs) was informative, encouraging, and a pleasant experience all the way around.


I can't say preparing ourselves for the first meeting was enjoyable as our nerves were heightened as well as alerted to the insanity this challenge poses in our lives.  Michael and I were both on edge leading up to yesterday's meeting up until the doorbell rang and Judy sat down to explain the freedoms we will have should we become Foster parents/ adopting Foster children.


What stood out and most surprisingly so is the fact there are so many Foster placing agencies in the state of Kansas alone.  And, we can switch to any agency should WE, as potential Foster parents, decide we are unhappy with this agency.  Personally I was impressed with the idea of this as I recognize the sacrifice that will be made for us to serve our lives and help other parents reunite with their own children.  While my strongest conviction is to protect a child, I like the idea these agencies are also held accountable to find decent homes that will support and protect children first and foremost.  And, should we discover this agency is just shoving a child into any random home, we will have the freedom to go to another agency.  Accountability I fully support given the experience I had in one of my foster homes.  Which I was unashamed to inquire if this agency places 'appropriate aged children' with 'appropriate aged adults'?  Judy knew exactly what I meant while Michael tilted his head in curiosity to the purpose of my question.


There is no skirting around my own experience as a foster child while interviewing Judy.  There was no sound reason for the state of Nebraska to ever place me in the care of young parents who had two young children.  I was the youngest of four older brothers in my birth family and they placed me in the care that set me as the oldest child in the 'Piles' home.  The Piles were not prepared to have a teenager when the foster mom was just a young 28 years old.  OOOOHHH the fire that just boils at the thought of Nebraska's incompetent welfare system....sorry, "refocus Tracy."


It was good to know that per Miss Judy, they take serious the position they have to place children in appropriate 'age differential' homes.  Which is very important to me as anyone reading this can see.


When Miss Judy asked what we were most interested in, Michael and I both looked at one another with united eyes that have two very different views at this point going regarding a Foster Family role.  Judy didn't seem surprised in the least, and frankly, Michael and I know God has come through for us whenever we aren't on the same page. 
"I am interested in adopting foster children" I uttered in confidence as I responded to Judy. Judy said the agency has needs for every role.
I quickly explained my experience as a foster child and why my heart is geared more towards adoption.  


Being a foster child is the crappiest feeling ever.  While my stay with Bev was not a "foster home" in label, the abandoned feeling was the same. (Even if I can see all the blessings and protection God had for me through all my experiences)  The fact remains, my dad abandoned me, didn't know what to do with me, and left me in the hands of a perfect stranger half way across the country.  "Who does that?" are the thoughts that go through my head of course.  And yes, I loved my biological dad no matter how dead beat of a dad he was.  Oh yes, he was too.  It's the truth, my dad was a lost puppy without my mom keeping him in line......leaving me to feel that abandoned feeling I am sure every foster child feels.
Ending up in a foster home at age 15 was in many ways my own fault for leaving my dads home and being gone for an entire week.  Yet, HELLOOOO????, my dad doesn't even call the police??  again, who does that??  I sit here and chuckle because truly, if my child didn't show up the first night, the police would be called.  We were gone 7 whole days and the police happened to find us randomly at someones house.  Not even there looking for us but another gal ratting our presence out.  Hindsight I see my stupid rebellious decisions played such a huge role in the foster home situation.  Maybe God oversaw this event to set in motion the plans he's had for my life all along.  What a comforting thought to know God knew all that would happen and the result that would come from the events I experienced.


For Michael, his upbringing was far different.  Living in a strict Religious home with both parents having an influence in his upbringing.  I know he struggles to see outside of our happy little home life, but in the beginning I heard all about his hurts and pains he walked away with as he understood his childhood to be.  Now, as we are older and wiser, it's easier for me to see how young adult children can have such a skewed view of their childhood.  I know Michael's parents did the best they could and loved their children.  No parent is perfect, but he is so very lucky to have both his parents alive and well and can see them once or twice a year.   Michael and I have one common experience in our upbringing...we both moved around....a lot...both of us found it difficult to call anyplace specifically 'home.'  Therefore, living in Kansas City has become our "home" for us, and for our children. We both agree how this provided a great sense of security for both of us as a couple and collectively as a family.   While I am sick of living in the city, I love Kansas City and this is our home and has been for nearly 22 years.


(*shaking off my detoured thoughts)  Judy explained to us how we can offer our home to a child where we can best serve their needs with our individual and unified abilities to provide for their needs.
In her explanation, we could see more clearly how this process didn't seem as scary as other's perceive it to be in the big picture so many view Fostering a child to be.


She toured our home and pointed out medicines would have to be locked up and all chemicals must be place on a shelf that is at least six feet high.  "Dang, we have a lot of cleaning chemicals, paint, hair peroxide for my business, and many other strong chemicals I personally have overlooked."  Our work is cut out for us to prepare our home for Foster children.  An opportunity to organize our home is how I processed this abundance of information.


Oh, I nearly forgot the huge book she left and explained we had 86 pages to read and paperwork to fill out before Thursday, giving us 5 days to complete this task.

A breath of honesty

Tomorrow is a big day for Michael and I as we will have our first home visit and taking the first steps in Foster parenting/ potential adopting a foster child.  Words cannot describe the mixed emotions I have.  Thoughts of excitement and a bit of fear mixed together like a view of a chocolate and vanilla swirled ice cream cone.  I use the analogy of an ice cream cone because there is nothing wrong with how I feel that I know.  This doesn't mean we are in fact going to go in this direction, but simply taking steps in that direction to see if this is what we are called to do.


Of course my thoughts go round and round about how my husband truly feels.  After all, this was my idea and he agreed to seek more information through the classes we will be taking.


For some reason many insecurities flood my mind about many things to be honest.  More than just moving forward in foster parenting.  Another cross road in our life has appeared and I'm trying hard to view the path ahead.  What am I suppose to do with the rest of my life?  


Why can't the answers come easily?  Would I really just submit the any call that may be sent my way or would I run in the opposite direction?  A part of me wants to just be selfish and travel   because of the entitlement than runs in the forefront of my mind.  I've worked hard to raise our children and I'm tired from all the work.  I'm still so young and I don't want to spend the rest of my life living for myself...or even for just the "two of us."