Me, my dad, and 3 of my four brothers

Me, my dad, and 3 of my four brothers

Photo's of Anderson Family

Thursday, April 5, 2012

E is for Empty nest


I never dreamed Empty nest was more than a word phrase until I began experiencing it for myself.  There wasn't much dialogue with other's on the impact empty nest would truly be and it seems to be such a taboo topic when discussing it with others.  All I hear is "it gets better, it gets easier, keep busy, volunteer, spend more time with your spouse...etc..etc....bla...bla..bla...bla.


Empty nest is very real, an experience we all face, and yet most are unprepared for the emotions empty nest causes one to feel.


While I watch my girls go through life and experience adult decisions they have to make, I too have to make a conscious decision to "keep my mouth shut" and let them learn from their own decisions.  However, it is a crappy feeling to keep quiet and it leaves me feeling helpless and nearly useless.


There isn't much more I have to say about empty nest other than I wish I understood the experience other mothers have had as they've gone through this themselves.

D is for Dogs

.....and lots of them.  Five Dogs in fact live in our home, and we love every one of them.
 First we have Autumn, she is our almost 11 year old Blue Tick Beagle, and our very first dog we bought right after 9/11 happened in 2001.  You can see her face aging as it is mostly white where there was once a pretty rich brown color encircling her sweet face. Our Dog Autumn is the smartest of all five dogs and she is not your typical beagle barking dog either, which makes her the favored dog when visitors come over.  She is pretty docile and demands very little of our family other than a wee bit of snuggle time.  Who can refuse snuggling with a cute beagle like Autumn.

Oh, my sweet Annie, who is 10 1/2 as well and who's name was given from my maiden name Anderson.  Annie is my precious baby, the dog of all dogs, if there ever was to be one.  (I love all our dogs very much)  When we bought Annie, I had no intention of getting another dog because Autumn was only six months old and we were still getting use to having the one dog.  But, Michael knew my dad had always wanted a squished faced dog, so Annie was it.  He put her in my arms and I just carried her around with my mind made up we were NOT having another dog.  But then, I asked to see her papers, to investigate how long Annie had been at this pet store. TEN whole weeks, my precious Annie had sat in a kennel, I'm sure being picked up, played with, then put back in the cold lonely kennel.  She was 16 weeks old when we brought her home, and she was scared of everything.
Annie nearly died at age 4 of renal failure from a misdiagnosis of a vet.  Therefore, my bond with Annie has only grown stronger because I feel I must protect her from dumb vets who only care about making a buck. (I'll save all that for another blog entry) 
She is still a scaredy cat dog, but she puts on one heck of a front as an "attack dog" (which is just like me), and most people won't mess with her.  
Oh Cody, what a ham of a dog he really is.  A daddy's boy to say the least.  Cody is nearly 9 years old and was purchased from an actual "breeder."   He was the new dog meant to fill a void of buying a new home and the depression that comes from leaving our former home.  Cody is a character and I nearly believe he tries to be a REAL BOY.  He's a cuddler with anyone who wants to hold him and spastic when it comes to our laser pointer which we just call "the Light."  Cody LOVES "the Light" and here is the reason why.  The light is to Cody what crack is to a drug addict.  He goes nuts for it, and if he sees the light, will go ballistic trying to capture the light.  Needless to say, we don't bring out "the light" very often, but even if was say "Cody, I've got the light", he will come running from any adventure he may be on.  He's a good boy and while a bit of a dum dum, we sure love him.
Isabelle, our French Bulldog is our one year old ham of a dog.  She is a product of empty nest, intending on only buying one puppy from the litter of 10. Isabelle came home with us at just 8 weeks and and was the youngest puppy yet for us to bring home, and yet she was the most expensive dog we've purchased.  She is a character with her vocal demands she is less than shy of expressing.  Her photo says it all of just the kind of fun she is to our family.  
Deklan is Isabelle's brother and makes for our fifth dog.  He was the puppy originally chosen by our daughter Alex but was denied as the breeder was going to keep Deklan for future stud breeding purposes.  He would be the perfect dog to breed from as Deklan is the most perfect French Bulldog.  Once the breeder changed her mind of further breeding, she offered Deklan to us first. It was a tough call as this breed of dogs are super expensive due to their breeding process.  All the same, we're thrilled to have our little ham bone added to our herd of dogs.
Here they all are looking like the loving dogs they are.






Tuesday, April 3, 2012

C is for Crying

I wish today's entry could be one of happiness and joy, but instead it is one I've spent crying.  My heart is to be one that encourages other's to see the rainbow at the end of a storm and know it will be better with each new season.  Therefore, while I cry tears of sorrow, and feel beaten down, I will get back up and I will regain composure.


What comfort I find knowing God counts my tears, and He knows my heart in which I carry this sorrow.  A reality check that I don't get to keep protecting my children from painful life experiences but it hurts to know the world is chiseling away at them.


A humbling reminder that I am not God, but I feel a sense of the agony He must have felt to bear the pain upon Himself to die for us on Calvary.  That is all I can say with today's post as I cry for things I cannot control, for lives I can no longer protect, and trust God's goodness will shine through this pain. 

Sunday, April 1, 2012

B is for the Blessing of Baby Nora

Baby Nora's exciting expectancy came in September 2011.  This news was most wonderful to hear after a tough year for all.  Here is Amanda and Jason at their first sonogram at just 6 weeks pregnant.  


What a Blessing to watch our first born expecting her first baby and know she has a healthy pregnancy.  We are all super excited to meet this precious little one and time seems to drag on for her special arrival.

Baby Nora, we are most anxious to see your pretty face in person.  To hear the beautiful sound of the cry that comes from your mouth solidifying your safe arrival.  The countdown has begun as your due date draws closer.  You will bring much joy to our family as God chose you Nora, to be your parents first born, our first grandchild.  
My first born baby is expecting her first born.
We will rejoice with your parents when you arrive in this world.
Baby Nora, you are a blessing!!!

ANDERSON to ALLEN

I've been so busy, this A-Z challenge will be difficult to follow to it's completion.  But, I am going to make my best effort.
A is for Anderson, the last name I was born with and the whole reason I began my blogging to begin with.  What's in a name really?  For me it means everything.  After all, it was the name I was born with, and the name I carried for 21 years, until my dad gave me to the one he trusted to take care of me.

June 30,1990 was my last day as Tracy Anderson and my first day as Tracy Allen.  I love my married name and this year has crossed the point where I have been an Allen longer than I was ever an Anderson.  


I have loved my married name as well, and have embraced my new name with pride, especially as each of our girls were born.
I'm sure most can tell my favorite letter in the Alphabet is in fact A  for the simple fact each of my girls names begin with that letter.  Amanda, Alexandra, and Alicia all given names that specifically begin with the important beginning letter of the alphabet.  While each of their last names will one day change, their first names will be a reminder of the wonderful letter.

We can't forget the infamous A Team that was traditionally started to represent our last name.  Each summer I make our shirts to display the bond we really do have with one another.  We love the letter A and it is sure to carry it's legend long after our girls take on a new name.



Saturday, March 3, 2012

JAMES 1 (NIV)

I purchased this bible 14 years ago after we left a church we were once involved with.  While it took awhile to open it's pages, I purchased this cover during a Bible study I took last fall on the subject of 'Believing God.' My spiritual walk is a journey, one that isn't always pretty, but one truly seeking God.



It has been awhile since I have written on my Blog site.  I've been uber busy with my volunteer work at House of Hope, and have recently begun the Bible study on the book of James.  One of the challenges in studying the book of James is to memorize the entire book.  Since the girls in HOH are required to memorize so much scripture, I decided to take on this challenge myself hoping to encourage the girls in the importance of memorizing scripture.  Here is the first chapter in James.......typed out by Memory...I will confess, the very last verse about the orphans had to be retyped as I had the wording wrong.  I have not read through the rest of it...I typed it out as I have said over and over when I go to bed, when I get up, when I am driving, or just when I am home alone.  I've never memorized this much scripture at one time in my life.  It's pretty powerful once you quote it by memory.  So, here it is....the first chapter of James.


James, a servant of God, and of our Lord Jesus Christ.
To the twelve tribes, scattered among the nations;
Greetings,
Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many 
kind, because you know that the testing of your faith develops 
perseverance.  Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may 
be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If anyone lacks 
wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all, without finding 
fault, and it will be given to him  But when he asks, he must believe 
and not doubt, because he  who doubts is like a wave of the sea, 
blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will 
receive anything from the Lord.  He is a double minded man, 
unsettled in all he does.


The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his
high position; but,  the one who is rich, should take pride in his
low position, for he will pass away like a wild flower.  For the
sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant.  It's blossom 
falls and it's beauty is destroyed.  In the same way the rich man
will also fade away, even as he goes about his business.


Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when
he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that 
God has promised to those who love him.


When tempted, no one should say God is tempting me, because 
God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. 
But; each one is tempted by his own evil desire, he is
dragged away and enticed.  Then, after desire is conceived, it
gives birth to sin.  Then when sin is full grown, it gives birth to
death.


Don't be deceived my dear brothers, every good and perfect 
gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the 
Heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
He chose to give us birth, through the word of truth, that we 
might be a kind of first fruits of all He created.


My dear brother, take note of this: everyone should be quick
to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because
mans anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires.
Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so
prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can 
save you.


Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves, do 
what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word and doesn't do what
it says is like a man who looks at himself in a mirror; and, after 
looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets
what he looks like.  But the man who looks intently into the perfect
law that gives freedom. and continues to do so, not forgetting what
he has heard, but doing it, he will be blessed in what he does.


If anyone claims to be religious, and yet, does not keep a tight reign
on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.
Religion God our Father deems pure and faultless is this:
*to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep 
oneself from being polluted by the world. 


* had to peek to finish this one.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Sunday Service

     My family has gone to the same church for nearly 6 years now.  While returning to church life as Michael and I heal from a previous church (I'll share about that experience in a different post), we've struggled to let ourselves "trust" people or really get to know people in this church.  Therefore, we move forward in what one may deem a "slower process."  Our pastor (Mark Warner) is a great speaker, and we never struggle to gain something from his messages that each of us can take to heart.  I feel he teaches truth from the bible, and at times, I feel the Holy Spirit stir within our sanctuary. 
     When Mark is away from the pulpit even for one Sunday, our whole family struggles to want to stay at church as the associate pastor just isn't an easy or challenging listen.  Yesterday was one of those days......I must say, I sensed this may have been a Sunday due for a message from the associate pastor (Dave Andersen) since our pastor hadn't taken a break in a couple of months.  Sure enough, across the sanctuary sat Dave in the front row seat, singing the opening praise song to begin our service.
     A big sigh came over me as I took notice and felt my heart pulled to how comfy my couch would be at that very moment.  I'm certainly embarrassed to admit such truths of how I feel about our pastor vs the associate pastor at our church.  One is an easy listen, one is unfortunately pretty boring to listen to.
     Thankfully, we serve a BIG God who is slow to judge, slow to become angry, and gentle in His way of convicting me for thinking such thoughts and feeling the way I have.  Because Dave's message on Prayer and Thanksgiving was the perfect message, presented perfectly, and one that I needed to hear at this perfect and particular time.
     My heart was opened, the tears were flowing, my eyes closed, I sang and worshiped my Lord as I thanked him for this message that my heart needed to hear.  Then, while I quietly sang to the Lord, I felt something touch my hand.  Not anything heavy or what would hurt me, just a gentle light touch to the back of my hand.  I opened my eyes to see the elderly man who stood in the seat in front of me holding a folded piece of paper, he had touched it to my hand to give it to me.  He simply said "this is for you."  I opened the piece of paper to see photo of a rainbow rose.  My eyes glanced down, then back up to the short man with white as snow hair who again repeated "it's yours."  I meekishly thanked him as I gently held it in my hand and began to refocus on worshiping God as I sang.  I held onto that piece of paper until Michael and I went forward to partake in communion.
     Once service was over, I gently tapped the little old man on his shoulder because I knew that piece of paper was not mine and did not fall out of my bible, but I had to be sure the man intended for me to have it and be sure it didn't belong to someone else.  "It's for you," he said yet again to me.  "The colors of the rose have a specific meaning in lined with the Holy Spirit."  I tried to hear and absorb what he was saying, so I thanked the man, tucked the paper in my bible and left to go on about my day.

A Rainbow Rose printed on a page, given by and elderly man at church.

     I wish I could remember what each color represented in correlation to the Holy Spirit as he did take the time to tell me what the colors meant, but I just cannot seem to remember them.  However, I was moved that we happened to be sitting farther back than we usually do, and right behind the little old guy.  The simplest things can make a huge impact on ones life.  I heard the message, I felt the Holy Spirit, and I welcome even a picture of a rose from a stranger who could have selected either of my two oldest daughter's who sat to the right of me during church....but he selected me, as though he knew I was the one who would be dissecting and giving the mystery behind the colors of this rose, some attention.  I'll post it's meanings as soon as I figure them all out.
     For now, what I will say is I am humbled by the message that was delivered by Dave Andersen, and I am disappointed in my thinking of God working through one, and taking the other for granted.  I truly know better than that, yet I am just thankful God snapped me out "who" is truly speaking.