K is for Keely

Keely's first day at House of Hope, was also my first day "shadowing" the House Staff as a potential sub.  I remember Keely looking somber and scared as she began settling in as a resident.  She quickly became a favorite of mine because we were both new to House of Hope.  


Within weeks of her arrival, Keely expressed anger, frustration, and a desire to go home to her parents. (All which is normal for any new resident teenage girl)  She confided in me her thoughts and anxieties, and I encouraged her to talk to her counselor and to pinky promise me she would keep it together until she could.  By the end of that night, I would be face to face with Keely as I got a knife from her grip.  A knife that another resident was about to use to cut potato's.  I looked in Keely's eyes as I pleaded with her to please let me have the knife.  Keely let go but did not let go of the ideas she had to hurt herself.  


The Police were called, and Keely was taken to the nearest hospital for potential "psych" evaluation.  She was back at HOH the next day, and she did not look pleased to be back.


It wasn't long where Keely would move up in the phase she was in and get opportunities to see and talk to her parents.  A position each of the girls earn as they do work requirements by HOH, and show themselves trustworthy.  However, it didn't seem to encourage Keely overall as she would run away and call her parents to come get her.


Throughout Keely's stay, she has rebelliously bucked the system, but my heart still favored the potential I saw for the breakthrough I believed Keely could in fact have.


Unfortunately, Keely continued to fight an emotional battle for her own control....to the point she has run off yet again.  Only this time she has not called her parents, and has now been missing for 3 days.


I pray to God she is found safe and sound.  Keely is from Wisconsin and her parents are heartbroken and scared for her safety, as any parent would be.
I too worry for her safety, and can't even imagine what her parents could be going through during this time.  


Here are a few pictures I have taken of Keely during my time at HOH.  I love this girl, and I sure hope she feels the love that really is felt for her, and for her safety.

taken during one of my volunteer outings I had with a few of the HOH girls.

taken at the horse ranch the girls go to twice a month

J is for Jammies

No surprise, I love Christmas traditions and one of the annual traditions is the gift of "Jammies."  No joke, every year I meticulously pick out the girls jammies.  Yeah, I'm a bit neurotic that they match to some degree.

Christmas 2009

Christmas 2011

I'm not sure if the girls love their jammies, but they sure strike the most precious of poses each and every year.

I is for Inspiration

My favorite Christian singer was and is to this day Sandi Patti.  From the time I was 12 years old, I began listening to her music and she inspired me to sing as well.  I loved her praise and worship music to the Lord and her voice was such an inspiration to my personal walk with Christ.

A few years ago, I attended a women of Faith conference where I got to meet my musical inspiration, Sandi Patti.  I'm sure she has met many people and my introduction of her music and it's inspiration it had in my life was probably a dime a dozen, but it made my day to finally meet her.  When I was in my 20's, I sang many of her songs in our own church at that time.  My favorite of all was when I sang her song "More than Wonderful" as a duet with another singer from our church.  I was able to hit every high note Sandi herself does so flawlessly.  It was a moment and time in my life God used my voice to sing praises to Him, and I pray that it somehow inspired others.

H is for House of Hope

Two weeks ago, the two house staff hired to alternate taking care of the HOH girls, quit their job without notice.

However, two weeks ago the two house staff walked off the job leaving a mess of emotions for all to clean up. No one saw it coming and the office staff was unprepared for the gap it would leave.

Since then, I have offered up my time to substitute as a fill in house staff.  The mess of emotions the teenage girls were experiencing were beyond overwhelming and I can't believe I am still going back each week.  These girls have an abundance of potential and that is obvious to me, yet the enemy has been attacking their thoughts, the office staff thoughts, and even my thoughts.

Last Thursday night, there were three girls who graduated from HOH program which was refreshing to witness as they, along with their parents shared their testimony of their lives.  With a room full of tears at the victory from their perseverance, my heart was filled with a renewed hope that my time served is important.
But, things change moment by moment when you're surrounded by seven teenage girls with their individual emotions and heartaches they face every day.
Sunday, one of my favorite girls ran away from HOH and two days later, has still not been found.  My heart aches for her hurting heart, and for her parents who I am sure are in distress because of this event that has unfolded.  
I am two days behind posting this simply because I spent Easter evening driving around looking for "K".  My husband and Alicia as well also took their cars to drive around and look for her as well.  
While I love working at HOH and helping where I can, I am overwhelmed with my own selfish emotion and  what I will walk into tonight as I go and serve as House Staff.  
I'm not sure how much more I can do, or how much longer I can serve.  God is Big, He is Great, but I am small, and oh so exhausted.

G is for GOD's Son

I'm writing this a day late, so I find it fitting that G should be God's Son who is risen from the dead!


Thirty years ago, I heard God's voice in a small town in western Wyoming (Kemmerer).  Of course it wasn't an audible voice, but a small subtle whisper in my heart that was very clear to my young twelve year old self.  It was the moment I asked Jesus into my heart, and decided to be a follower of Christ himself.  The Son of God became my savior of my sins, who bore the pain, the shame, and became the sacrificial lamb.  


My life was no longer my own, however, it would be years later that simple prayer would grow and become fruitful.  God's grace and mercy would take a deep root in my life and today I celebrate God's Son Jesus.


I have lived through many valleys, and experienced much pain, but the sacrifice Christ made on the cross for my sins and the life He has blessed me with in spite of the hardships, I am thankful for my Lord, my God.

F is for FAMILY

And a crazy Family at that.  I LOVE my Family that God has so blessed me with.  Family doesn't have to be those just we are related to alone, family can be those who join in by spending time with you, just because they love being with you.

Every year, we take our family and friends to the mountains just to get away from life and BE with one another....no outside interruptions, just us.  We have so much fun and have bonded more closely because of it.  This last summer, my nephew Casey and his wife Nicole joined us along with Alex and Alicia's close friends.  Sami Mallory (in the center front of pic) has gone every year with our family and even though she's graduated high school, she won't miss the trip.

Michael's family started the tradition of going to the mountains, and they make it a point to join us every year as well.
Our family is still growing as our girls grow up, get married, and have children of their own.  But, our immediate family and friends will always have a wonderful connection.

E is for Empty nest

I never dreamed Empty nest was more than a word phrase until I began experiencing it for myself.  There wasn't much dialogue with other's on the impact empty nest would truly be and it seems to be such a taboo topic when discussing it with others.  All I hear is "it gets better, it gets easier, keep busy, volunteer, spend more time with your spouse...etc..etc....bla...bla..bla...bla.


Empty nest is very real, an experience we all face, and yet most are unprepared for the emotions empty nest causes one to feel.


While I watch my girls go through life and experience adult decisions they have to make, I too have to make a conscious decision to "keep my mouth shut" and let them learn from their own decisions.  However, it is a crappy feeling to keep quiet and it leaves me feeling helpless and nearly useless.


There isn't much more I have to say about empty nest other than I wish I understood the experience other mothers have had as they've gone through this themselves.